I know this is a bit early to be posting on this blog, but there is a movie I just have to talk about. Yup, I'm sure all of you who understand my love for the Resident Evil movies saw this coming, but I need to talk about Jaws 19.
Ok sure its been out for about a week now, but for some reason today feels like the only day I can talk about it. (something to do with Steven Spielberg, Robert Zemekis, and Michael J. Fox but I can't seem to remember right now.)
Its no secret that there hasn't been a good Jaws movie since the original (and arguably the underrated Jaws 13), but much like my love for Resident Evil the insanity these movies have reached in an attempt to top the previous and remain relevant really appeals to me. So I'd like to do a short retroactive look at the Jaws franchise up to this point, focusing exclusively on Jaws 5-18. Because I don't want to be writing about these movies all day, I will be keeping my thoughts to 1-2 sentences on each so here we go:
Jaws 5: After the ABYSMAL Jaws: The Revenge its no surprise that this was direct to video, and it certainly looks like it, but its not entirely without its merits. The fight between the shark, and experimental shark killing robot was really cool if a bit cheesy looking. However it was a nice touch to think to use practical blood effects.
Jaws 6: I like to call this one Jaws In Name Only. It was a weird decision to focus the entire movie on the robotic shark killers, but does that make it a bad movie? I don't know. I get the feeling it started life as a different script and was then attached to the franchise to look nice in video rental stores.
Jaws 7: It looks like this one is a back to basics reboot at first, but then it pulls this odd bait and switch where it throws in the scientist from #5 that is brought in as a consultant. No shark killing robots though. Probably for the best.
Jaws 8: Of course its the communists. Seriously!? Genetically engineered supersharks? Not that I'm complaining. That scene in the spaceship hydroponics lab where the shark is stalking our heroes through the ship's drainage system: Inspired and tense as HELL.
Jaws 9: Actually never saw this one. Heard pretty bad things. Especially about the bollywood-inspired epic musical number.
Jaws 10: Well after 5 direct to video movies and just over a decade Jaws returns to the big screen. and its not half bad. Sure its another one of Tim Burton's really weird "re-imaginings" (like his terrible Planet of the Apes film) and maybe its because the franchise has been much weirder, but I don't really mind his usual loaner outcast trope this time around.
Jaws 12: This one was pretty on par with 10, but now that Tim Burton had moved on to other things (most notably Willy Wonka). This one embraced its roots in fun a little more and allowed itself to fill into the role that suits Jaws best: a high tension adventure in shark killing.
Jaws 13: This is probably my favorite since the Spielberg original. After the largely positive critical response the studio felt far more comfortable giving the property a little more money. They even got Peter Jackson (fresh off The Lord of the Rings) to direct. Delivering a slick high budget and emotional story of revenge.
Jaws 14: Now things start to get silly again. With Peter Jackson off working on other things (those damned Hobbit Movies). The franchise was losing its popularity and writers were clearly running out of ideas (seriously a shark whisperer?). Not the worst of the series but doesn't hold a candle to 13.
Jaws 15: Don't get me wrong I like silly and I still like 14-18, and this is very evident with 15. Somehow Paul W.S. Anderson got a hold of the franchise and now Milla Jovovich is jumping sharks on a jet ski with dual magnums. It's pretty awesome.
Jaws 16: This is the second of what I like to call the Anderson trilogy of Jaws. More Milla Jovovich which is great, but the stilted emotional drama of her trying to keep her shark hybrid half under control is pretty annoying.
Jaws 17: This was the last of the Anderson trilogy. Unfortunately it kinda went out with a whimper the budget seemed to be significantly reduced, and as a result was lacking in the awesome that makes the first two parts of the trilogy so great.
Jaws 18: So the solution is of course another reboot This one in IMAX 3D. Also not too bad probably some of the best cinematography and effects of the series, but the back to basics paint by numbers script was kinda dull and uninspired.
And of course that leaves us with Jaws 19. Which I haven't yet seen, but probably will be making the trip to the theater for. Reviews seem pretty positive and trailers look great, but then again I hear they are tieing it in with the new Jurassic World movie to make one of those connected universe deals...I'm just sick of those now.
EDIT: Wow looking over this post it just occurred to me that I forgot Jaws 11. To be honest who can blame me when Jaws 11 was that weird experimental thing. I mean continuing a movie franchise as a Broadway musical? Who ever thought that would work.
This blog was a work of fiction Jaws 5-19 don't really exist and if you think they do you are beyond my help.
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